Saturday, October 1, 2016

My Life as a Zao Fan


This blog is the first of series of blogs that I will be writing on regarding some of my favorite bands, bands that have affected and touched my life in a tremendous way. The first band I've decided to write on is; Zao. For those of you who do not not know who Zao is, Zao is a "metal core" that has been around since 1993, they are in my opinion, one of, perhaps the greatest metal core bands of all-time. They are a band that truly have touched my life along with so many of their faithful and loyal fans lives. The reason why I decided to go with Zao first for the bands that have impacted me is probably because a few members and ex-members have been on the podcasts I enjoy listening to; Urban Achiever with Billy Power, The Bad Christian Podcast, and As The Story Grows. I'm the type that I'll listen to a podcast and whoever gets interviewed I usually want to listen to the band in which the person or people who got interviewed were in. So I've been listening to a lot of Zao lately, which I'm listening to right now as I write this. Even though Zao has a number of member changes and off and on hiatus' I have and always will be a huge fan and continue to support them. If you are a fan of Zao I hope you enjoy this blog. If you're not a fan of Zao or if you have never even heard of Zao, please read it anyway, to hear my love and passion for this amazing band.

The first time I heard Zao was on a compilation CD, by Tooth and Nail Records called; "Songs From the Penalty Box." This compilation CD had a variety of punk and hardcore bands on it, plus it was hockey theme; three things that I love, so of course I bought it, it was only $5. The 10th track of 21on the CD, was a song called Exchange by Zao, I remember sitting in room listening to the album, which had some great tracks by bands like; Stavesacre, mxpx, Living Sacrifice, strong arm, 90 Pound Wuss. But this was my first time I had ever heard Zao, and I was blown away, by the vocals, the drums, a sound I had never really heard, let's just say I was very impressed. The next thing I wanted to do was go out and find their album.


It took a couple months but I finally I had the money and was able to find some where to buy my first Zao album, which was their first Solid State Records release; "Splinter Shards the Birth of Separation." Needless to say when I bought this album and put it in my CD player I was not disappointed. Two things about this album that really stood out were the vocals, this was the original vocalist of Zao, Shawn Jonas. I had never heard vocals like this before, his screaming was like something I had never heard before, and their were times he would hold a note for so long, you'd think he'd pass out, but I just loved the vocals. Another aspect of the music that stood was the drumming, by Jesse Smith who was with the band for 5 albums, Jesse Smith is an amazing drummer, who now has own band, Jesse and The Holy Ghost. After this album I became a Zao fan.

In 1998, every member left the band, except for drummer Jesse Smith, they all left for a variety of reasons. So Jesse went out and recruited a whole new group of talented guys. Basically, "Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest" was a whole new band, with Russ Cordell on guitar (who is still in the band) Brett Detar on guitar, and Daniel Weylandt on lead vocals (who also currently still in the band). When Blood and Fire came out I was a little hesitant about getting the album, being that it was a whole new lineup. I ordered Blood and Fire through mail order through Tooth and Nail Record/Solid State Records. Now keep in my mind this was before social media, there was no Facebook, Twitter, YouTube, or even myspace, so you can hear a preview of the album, there wasn't even iTunes so you get listen to a portion of the song. The day arrived when, "Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest" came in the mail, I ripped open the package, and I loved the cover. I put the CD into my CD player and pressed play... Holy crap, the first song; "Lies of Serpents, a River of Tears" Well as soon as I heard the first song, I became a even bigger fan of Zao. Nothing against the original members, they were the Genesis of the band, but the new Zao, was just simply amazing. Another change in Zao was the lyrics, the old Zao was very in your face evangelical, while the new Zao had lyrics were a lot more about the struggles of life. Daniel Weylandt was not only the new singer but he was also the new lyricist of the band. This album had songs about dealing with suicide and death, the lyrics really touched myself along with their listeners and fans. I just want to say that ever since; "Blood and Fire" Daniel Weylandt is one of my favorite lyricist and in my opinion one of the greatest in music and defiantly the greatest in this genre of music. To me; "Where Blood and Fire Bring Rest", is one of the most ground breaking albums of all-time, it's one of my all-time favorite albums and it's an album that will never get old.

In March of 1999 I finally had the amazing opportunity to see Zao live, I was able to see them for 2 straight nights. During this time I was going to Bible College, I attended Bible College with the members of Point of Recognition (what's up Aaron, Isaac, Jesse, and Michael if you read this). But Zao flew out to Southern California to play a couple shows with; Overcome, Training for Utopia, and Point of Recognition. The first night was in Riverside, CA, where I got my lip busted open (I still have the scar) in the pit during Overcome. Zao headlined the show, throughout the week we all super excited to see Zao, a few of us were talking about how the vocals were going to sound, because there was debate on if they did some kind of strange stuff to the vocals during the recording to have Daniel sound like that. Well as they were warming up, Daniel warmed up his vocals, and what it sounded like on the CD was what he sounded like live. I remember Isaac, Portland Paul and I looking at each and just being "Holy crap", that was awesome. Each night they put on a great set, and played some new stuff, from an album (Liberate Te Ex Inferis) that was going to be coming out later in the year. I have even found their full set from the second night where they played in San Bernardino on YouTube, Zao live. Little side note and wrestling history, the venue Zao played in that night is the venue where Mankind (Mick Foley) made his WWF debut by attacking The Undertaker.

I cannot mention Zao albums without mentioning a split CD they did with Training for Utopia (Ryan Clark of Demon Hunter was the lead singer/guitarist of TFU). But there was one a song on this album by Zao (which you can only get on this album), that I was completely able to relate to; Walk on By, Walk on Me (The Pianist Prophecy), this song was written by Jesse Smith. This song is basically about legalistic hypocrisy within the church. I've been raised in the church and when I got into the hardcore/punk/metal scene (even the Christian) stuff I was told it was evil and to stay away from it. I was instantly judged for my music, clothing style, and hair style, all while these people were far from perfect. I'm not saying I'm perfect at all, no one is. But some many people within the church have ruined the reputation of the church, and these lyrics really nail the way some (not all) of these people are like. Here are the lyrics... "your tongue pierced my fragile heart, careless words are daggers thrown, unaware unapproachable unwilling silence from a sounding voice, you entwine praise with curses, your words burn like hell itself, silence from a sounding voice, all this by the tongue created, your words become hell itself, your words become hell itself, the tongue creates it tongue".


August of 1999, the album; "Liberate Te Ex In Feris, Save Yourself from Hell", was released. This album I ordered online, and waited for it to come in the mail again. Now this album I had already heard some of the songs when I had seen them live a few months before. It finally came and I had to go work my security shift with Aaron Irizarry, so I put it on the guard shack and once again Zao had made another amazing album. This album had some dark lyrics that I really liked. For example one of the best songs on the album is; "Savannah". Savannah Michelle Wilsey was an adult film actress, who committed suicide after she had been in a car accident, broke her nose and saw her face and felt worthless, she then shot herself and died. I'd like to go into more detail about this album, but there are 5 more albums I'd like to talk about.

As I mentioned I'm going try not to go into as much detail in all the albums, as much as I would like to, this blog is getting long. In February of 2001, Zao released the album, "Self Titled". Once again they made a great album, with some amazing songs, the open track "5 Year Winter", was the song they closed when I saw them play recently at Chain Fest. After this album came out, the band; "broke up". Throughout the history of Zao, us Zao fans have been told; "This is the end of Zao", "This will be the last Zao album", "This will be the last Zao tour." Being a Zao fan is like being part of a dysfunctional family (who isn't part of a dysfunctional family, no family is perfect). But us die hard Zao fans, support the band no matter what the circumstance who the members are. In fact I saw them play a couple times when, Corey Darst did lead vocals for them between 2000-01, nothing against Corey he is a very talented vocalist, but it just wasn't the same not seeing Daniel on stage. Now fast forward to July 2002, and Zao (who a lot of us thought had broken up), released the album, "Parade of Chaos." This album only had Scott Meilinger (who by the way is a die hard Pittsburgh Penguins fan), the last album with Jesse Smith (who not only played drums, but also played guitar on the album), and the return of Daniel Weylandt on vocals. When I first heard this album it sounded as if they rushed making the album, then after watching the documentary "Lesser Lights of Heaven", I was right. Quick side note I highly recommend watching the documentary, I own and it comes with a concert (which I was at), at the Glass House in Pomona, CA. I still really enjoy the album; "Parade of Chaos". One key song I want to mention is; "Free the Three". "Free the Three" is a song about the "West Memphis Three", the West Memphis Three, were three teenage boys who were accused falsely of murdering 3 young boys, as part of a Satanic ritual. Sao would always play this song live at their shows, to let people know about; Damien, Jessie, and Jason. On August 19, 2011, the three boys were finally released from prison, the murders took place in 1993, but if wasn't for bands like Zao, along with other bands and celebrities, myself along with others would had never known about the, "West Memphis Three." And myself along with thousands of other people, do want justice for whoever killed the three young boys. Just like all their other albums, Zao has never been afraid to cover topics that most artists would never discuss, in fear of offending people, one of the many reasons I've always loved Zao.



In July 2014 Zao released the album, "The Funeral of God", this would be the first album they would release on Ferret Records, after nearly 8 years on Solid State Records. Lyrically this is one of my all time favorite albums. Because of the album title this album was very controversial, but the people who complained about this album, did not even bother reading the lyrics and the concept of the album. The concept of, "The Funeral of God", The concept of the album, is a narrating story in which God, fed up with path chosen by humanity, decides to disappear, leaving humanity to its fate. Subsequently, the world falls into a state of war and self-destruction. However, man soon reverts to a state in which he waits for God to return.(This came from Wikipedia, however I remember reading articles in magazines about this album and this is the concept.)

*Like I mentioned before I'm not going into as much details into the last two albums, I really should have made this blog a two parter, but there is so much to write about with Zao.




In June 2006 Zao released, "The Fear is What Keeps Us Here", then in May 2009 Zao released, "Awake". These albums had Daniel on vocals, Scott on guitar, Jeff Gretz a member on drums, and Martin Lunn a new member on bass. I will say both of these albums are simply amazing, musically and lyrically. I have never heard an album that I've been disappointed with, they continue to make great music. I'm looking forward to the band making great music.

As of September 2016, Zao is still playing live and making new music (also Russ has returned to the band), in July 2015, Zao released a a two 7 inch, you can also purchase the two tracks on iTunes (which is where I bought it). Zao also continues to play a few live shows a year, I recently saw them at Chain Fest (Santa Ana, CA) on September 17, 2016, they put on an amazing set, in my opinion the best set of the day (here is a video I took of them playing, "The Rising End). Also at the music festival, I was able to meet; Martin we had a great talk about his appearance on the Urban Achiever podcast, I talked to Scott about hockey and met and had talked to Daniel about their shows back in '99. Also at the show Zao announced that they will be releasing a new album; "The Well Intentioned Virus", later this year in 2016, I'm very excited for their new album. I cannot believe it's been almost 20 years that I've been a Zao fan. Even though their have been countless changes (20 different members in all), I have continued to support them and been a Zao fan. Like I said in the beginning they are one of the best, in my opinion the best metal-core band of all time. As I was editing this blog Zao announced that their new album will be released on December 9, 2016.
Meeting at Daniel at Chain Fest


Tuesday, July 12, 2016

My Life As an Ex-Church Staff Member

Before I start this blog, I just want you (the reader), to know I have nothing against anyone who's job or main source of income is being in the ministry full time, this is about God doing a change in my heart, so please read the blog and leave comments below.

As most of you know, I was in "full-time" ministry for 10 years, what I mean by "full-time", is that it was my job and it was my source of income. Most of that time, I absolutely loved what I did, it was to me the best job in the world, I worked a job that I loved doing, to the point that I did not consider it work. I looked forward to going into work every day.

In August of 2011, God closed the door on being in "full-time" ministry, my wife and I had been married for only 9 months, and what I thought was my career was gone. I'm not going to lie I took it very hard, to point that I went through some heavy depression. After 10 years of doing something I loved, and got paid for it, I felt I was not quailed to do anything.

Now fast forward to November 10, 2012... My first beautiful, wonderful daughter, is born; Gloria Rose Arellano...

First picture of Gloria and I together














Gloria just a little after she was born

One of the very few times Gloria let me hold her

One of the greatest gifts I have ever received, my first daughter of two daughters (Amalia was born February 25, 2015). At first Gloria was not really a daddy's girl. Gloria was the biggest mommy's girl you would ever see. From the time Gloria was born to the age of around a year and a half, she would scream her head off if I tried to hold. The only person Gloria would let hold her was mommy. In fact on days in which Jenette had to work and I had the day off, Gloria would cry and scream from the moment Jenette left the house until she got home from work. As soon as Jenette would hold Gloria, she would stop crying in a heart beat. One time at home we handed Gloria back and forth to each other, the moment I would touch she would scream bloody murder, but as soon as Jenette held she would stop. Not only would Gloria stop crying she would give me this little smirk, as if she knew what she was doing.

After about a year and a half Gloria finally warmed up to me, to the point we started doing daddy/daughter date nights which she absolutely loves to do, it's something I plan to do with her until God brings her, her husband (I hate him already). Gloria's favorite daddy/daughter date place to go, is going to a Kings game, yep she's defiantly my daughter. By the way she loves watching hockey and hates intermission because there is no hockey going on, on the ice.
Gloria, Bailey and I at a Kings game

Let's fast forward again all the way to 2 months ago, May  of 2016. Now during this time I still really struggled with the fact of no longer being in full-time ministry and the depression would go off and on. I've worked at Ralphs, as a painter, and currently work for Sprouts and at Alta Loma Jr. High school. Now every morning when Gloria wakes up she runs to wake me up (even though I get home real late every night), I don't mind at all she's my daughter and she has become a daddy's girl. There are two questions Gloria asks me every morning; "Daddy do you have to work at the Jr. High?" And; "Daddy do you have to work at Sprouties?" When I say no she gets very happy and dances around the room. She's always super happy when I do not have to work at Sprouts, because when I work at Sprouts I work 2:30 - 11:00 at night, which means I'm not home for the evening.

Gloria at Disneyland
One particular day when I told Gloria, that I had to work at Sprouts, she started to cry and say, "Daddy I DO NOT LIKE SPROUTIES!" As soon as those words came out of her mouth, it hit me. After 5 years of no longer being in "full-time" ministry, and it eating away at me daily, in which I went through times of depression, feeling like I had no one to talk to about the situation, I was completely happy, content, and in complete peace of no longer doing my old occupation. The reason why... Gloria said; "I do not like Sprouts." Now if I was still working at the church there were days, in which I was there from 8 in the morning until 10:00 at night, sometimes a few nights a week. I believe in my heart that God showed me if I was still working at the church, Gloria would say; "Daddy I do not like church." During my life time I have met so many, "Pastor kids" who no longer attend church or even have any type of relationship with God. I have also met many "Pastor kids" who do still go to church, have a relationship with God and some have even followed in their dad's footsteps and have become Pastor's themselves, and I think that is awesome.

I think there are many factors that go into the reason why a Pastor's kid may either follow Christ and still follow Christ and why some just want nothing to do with church or anything to do with God. But I'm going to cover just one factor, "The personality of the child." While some kids may think it's great that their dad is a pastor or minister at a church, and fully support him, other kids are not like that. Gloria loves to just stay home, relax, with her mommy, daddy, and her baby sister too. Gloria loves it when we are all home together, sometimes we say; "Let's go out." Gloria says, "I just want to stay home." There are kids just like Gloria, who do not like their parents place of employment because they take there, mommy or daddy away from them. While some kids are proud of what there parents do. I have even read stories of children of professional sports, who now hate the sport there dad played because, there dad was never home. Now if Gloria grows up, never wanting to shop at Sprouts because, Sprouts did not allow me to be home for dinner every night, I'm fine with that. But if Gloria grows up never wanting to go to church again or have a relationship with Christ, that would kill me. Gloria loves God and she loves going to church, she loves her class, her Bible stories, the songs she sings, she loves going to BSF (Bible study fellowship) with her Grandma, and she loved going to her first VBS.

Gloria at her 1st VBS
I just want to say I have nothing against anyone who may be a Pastor, minister, or any type of position like who have kids. If your kids love what you do and support you hey I'm so happy for you and I still wish I could do the same. But if you see one of your kids have a big struggle with what you are doing and it's effecting their relationship with Christ, perhaps you should pray if God has another way for you to provide for your family. Now you can still serve at church, I do myself, on Sunday mornings I help set up the nursery and the rest of the church and on Thursday nights if I have the night off I help out with the high school kids. Do I still miss my old "job'? Yes I do, it was my favorite job I ever had, I have nothing against the churches I worked or there pastors, I know where God wants me, serving my wife and daughters first, and if I have time serving Him at church. Do I miss teaching? Yes I miss teaching a lot, and I would love to do it again some day. On a side note, working a regular job has opened so many doors that I never had opened to me before. The places I have worked at, I've had the awesome opportunity to make friends, yes friends with those outside what we may call the "church." I have friends who I would have never even met while working at a church 5 days a week, I've grown to love these co-workers of my who are also my friends, and we love hanging out together. Also now if I've had a long weekend and I'm tired I have no problem just staying home with my family on a Sunday morning, although I do work most Sundays now. Or if I have a Sunday off, I can go to Disneyland with the family.

Riding Dumbo at Disneyland
One other thing during my many years of being a full-time minister I really think I impacted only one kid. In fact this kid was not even in the ministry that I was the overseer for, she was a high school kid. There was a young girl who would show up to church every Sunday, dressed very "dark" and was into metal music. Now I was and still am a fan of punk, metal, hardcore music, so I would always talk to her and she would sometimes have a friend with her and we would just talk about music, one band she liked that I introduced her to was, Zao (I'm listening to them as I'm writing this blog), she even went to go see them with a group of us to see Zao in concert, along with Demon Hunter at the Glass House in Pomona. Well a few years went by and I ended up getting a Facebook message from her and she told me how she had completely changed he life around for the good and thanked me for the impact I had on her, and Jenette and I ended up taking her to go see Brian "Head" Welch in concert, someone who had a huge influence on her turning her life to God. We had an awesome time and we even got to met him after the concert, she ended up writing a blog on it. A couple years after that she invited us to her wedding, she is now happily married and has a beautiful baby son, around the same age as, our youngest Amalia. So Marlyssa, thank you, for letting me know that, it meant a lot, I felt and still feel as if you are the only person I impacted, and if that is the case, it was completely worth it, I just wanted to show you, true Christian love, which I know you did not receive, from some within the church. You can check out her blog at Paint The Barn Red.

In closing I just want to say how happy I am now, that I'm no longer a "full-time" minister as a job. I'm no a full-time minister to my family, and I'm so blessed to have an amazing, beautiful, supportive wife and two amazing, beautiful daughters. I also do not regret the years I had working/serving at the churches I 

Gloria, Amalia and I on a daddy/daughter date night

Easter 2016 at church