My Life As an Ex-Church Staff Member

Before I start this blog, I just want you (the reader), to know I have nothing against anyone who's job or main source of income is being in the ministry full time, this is about God doing a change in my heart, so please read the blog and leave comments below.

As most of you know, I was in "full-time" ministry for 10 years, what I mean by "full-time", is that it was my job and it was my source of income. Most of that time, I absolutely loved what I did, it was to me the best job in the world, I worked a job that I loved doing, to the point that I did not consider it work. I looked forward to going into work every day.

In August of 2011, God closed the door on being in "full-time" ministry, my wife and I had been married for only 9 months, and what I thought was my career was gone. I'm not going to lie I took it very hard, to point that I went through some heavy depression. After 10 years of doing something I loved, and got paid for it, I felt I was not quailed to do anything.

Now fast forward to November 10, 2012... My first beautiful, wonderful daughter, is born; Gloria Rose Arellano...

First picture of Gloria and I together

Gloria just a little after she was born

One of the very few times Gloria let me hold her

One of the greatest gifts I have ever received, my first daughter of two daughters (Amalia was born February 25, 2015). At first Gloria was not really a daddy's girl. Gloria was the biggest mommy's girl you would ever see. From the time Gloria was born to the age of around a year and a half, she would scream her head off if I tried to hold. The only person Gloria would let hold her was mommy. In fact on days in which Jenette had to work and I had the day off, Gloria would cry and scream from the moment Jenette left the house until she got home from work. As soon as Jenette would hold Gloria, she would stop crying in a heart beat. One time at home we handed Gloria back and forth to each other, the moment I would touch she would scream bloody murder, but as soon as Jenette held she would stop. Not only would Gloria stop crying she would give me this little smirk, as if she knew what she was doing.

After about a year and a half Gloria finally warmed up to me, to the point we started doing daddy/daughter date nights which she absolutely loves to do, it's something I plan to do with her until God brings her, her husband (I hate him already). Gloria's favorite daddy/daughter date place to go, is going to a Kings game, yep she's defiantly my daughter. By the way she loves watching hockey and hates intermission because there is no hockey going on, on the ice.

Gloria, Bailey and I at a Kings game

Let's fast forward again all the way to 2 months ago, May  of 2016. Now during this time I still really struggled with the fact of no longer being in full-time ministry and the depression would go off and on. I've worked at Ralphs, as a painter, and currently work for Sprouts and at Alta Loma Jr. High school. Now every morning when Gloria wakes up she runs to wake me up (even though I get home real late every night), I don't mind at all she's my daughter and she has become a daddy's girl. There are two questions Gloria asks me every morning; "Daddy do you have to work at the Jr. High?" And; "Daddy do you have to work at Sprouties?" When I say no she gets very happy and dances around the room. She's always super happy when I do not have to work at Sprouts, because when I work at Sprouts I work 2:30 - 11:00 at night, which means I'm not home for the evening.

Gloria at Disneyland

One particular day when I told Gloria, that I had to work at Sprouts, she started to cry and say, "Daddy I DO NOT LIKE SPROUTIES!" As soon as those words came out of her mouth, it hit me. After 5 years of no longer being in "full-time" ministry, and it eating away at me daily, in which I went through times of depression, feeling like I had no one to talk to about the situation, I was completely happy, content, and in complete peace of no longer doing my old occupation. The reason why... Gloria said; "I do not like Sprouts." Now if I was still working at the church there were days, in which I was there from 8 in the morning until 10:00 at night, sometimes a few nights a week. I believe in my heart that God showed me if I was still working at the church, Gloria would say; "Daddy I do not like church." During my life time I have met so many, "Pastor kids" who no longer attend church or even have any type of relationship with God. I have also met many "Pastor kids" who do still go to church, have a relationship with God and some have even followed in their dad's footsteps and have become Pastor's themselves, and I think that is awesome.

I think there are many factors that go into the reason why a Pastor's kid may either follow Christ and still follow Christ and why some just want nothing to do with church or anything to do with God. But I'm going to cover just one factor, "The personality of the child." While some kids may think it's great that their dad is a pastor or minister at a church, and fully support him, other kids are not like that. Gloria loves to just stay home, relax, with her mommy, daddy, and her baby sister too. Gloria loves it when we are all home together, sometimes we say; "Let's go out." Gloria says, "I just want to stay home." There are kids just like Gloria, who do not like their parents place of employment because they take there, mommy or daddy away from them. While some kids are proud of what there parents do. I have even read stories of children of professional sports, who now hate the sport there dad played because, there dad was never home. Now if Gloria grows up, never wanting to shop at Sprouts because, Sprouts did not allow me to be home for dinner every night, I'm fine with that. But if Gloria grows up never wanting to go to church again or have a relationship with Christ, that would kill me. Gloria loves God and she loves going to church, she loves her class, her Bible stories, the songs she sings, she loves going to BSF (Bible study fellowship) with her Grandma, and she loved going to her first VBS.

Gloria at her 1st VBS

I just want to say I have nothing against anyone who may be a Pastor, minister, or any type of position like who have kids. If your kids love what you do and support you hey I'm so happy for you and I still wish I could do the same. But if you see one of your kids have a big struggle with what you are doing and it's effecting their relationship with Christ, perhaps you should pray if God has another way for you to provide for your family. Now you can still serve at church, I do myself, on Sunday mornings I help set up the nursery and the rest of the church and on Thursday nights if I have the night off I help out with the high school kids. Do I still miss my old "job'? Yes I do, it was my favorite job I ever had, I have nothing against the churches I worked or there pastors, I know where God wants me, serving my wife and daughters first, and if I have time serving Him at church. Do I miss teaching? Yes I miss teaching a lot, and I would love to do it again some day. On a side note, working a regular job has opened so many doors that I never had opened to me before. The places I have worked at, I've had the awesome opportunity to make friends, yes friends with those outside what we may call the "church." I have friends who I would have never even met while working at a church 5 days a week, I've grown to love these co-workers of my who are also my friends, and we love hanging out together. Also now if I've had a long weekend and I'm tired I have no problem just staying home with my family on a Sunday morning, although I do work most Sundays now. Or if I have a Sunday off, I can go to Disneyland with the family.

Riding Dumbo at Disneyland

One other thing during my many years of being a full-time minister I really think I impacted only one kid. In fact this kid was not even in the ministry that I was the overseer for, she was a high school kid. There was a young girl who would show up to church every Sunday, dressed very "dark" and was into metal music. Now I was and still am a fan of punk, metal, hardcore music, so I would always talk to her and she would sometimes have a friend with her and we would just talk about music, one band she liked that I introduced her to was, Zao (I'm listening to them as I'm writing this blog), she even went to go see them with a group of us to see Zao in concert, along with Demon Hunter at the Glass House in Pomona. Well a few years went by and I ended up getting a Facebook message from her and she told me how she had completely changed he life around for the good and thanked me for the impact I had on her, and Jenette and I ended up taking her to go see Brian "Head" Welch in concert, someone who had a huge influence on her turning her life to God. We had an awesome time and we even got to met him after the concert, she ended up writing a blog on it. A couple years after that she invited us to her wedding, she is now happily married and has a beautiful baby son, around the same age as, our youngest Amalia. So Marlyssa, thank you, for letting me know that, it meant a lot, I felt and still feel as if you are the only person I impacted, and if that is the case, it was completely worth it, I just wanted to show you, true Christian love, which I know you did not receive, from some within the church. You can check out her blog at Paint The Barn Red.

In closing I just want to say how happy I am now, that I'm no longer a "full-time" minister as a job. I'm no a full-time minister to my family, and I'm so blessed to have an amazing, beautiful, supportive wife and two amazing, beautiful daughters. I also do not regret the years I had working/serving at the churches I 

Gloria, Amalia and I on a daddy/daughter date night

Easter 2016 at church